Breaking News: The New York Times and The Pope Agree on Something

"I don't know if it (human activity) is the only cause, but mostly, in great part, it is man who has slapped nature in the face. We have in a sense taken over nature. I think we have exploited nature too much. Thanks be to God that today there are voices, so many people who are speaking out about it."
Pope Francis

"Last year was the  hottest in Earth's recorded history."
The New York Times

Serving In The Shadow Of God

For those who serve it the shadow of God this Christmas . . .

I'm Still Here

I watched you decorate the tree this year,
As I always have since our first Christmas together.
I loved seeing you string the lights around and around.
I adored the careful movement of your hands as you hung each ornament.

Most of all, I loved the glow on the faces of our children,
As they saw your creation come to life in our home.
They watched with me as you danced your way up and down the ladder.
I hope you know my hand was always there to keep you steady.

The children did not notice when you paused for a moment.
They did not see your tears falling on that old ornament we found together years ago.
Do not worry, my love. They did not see.
I was holding them. I was holding them.

Please forgive me for leaving you all so soon.
I tried holding on in those last few moments.
I tried so hard.
But, too much of me had been torn away.

As blood and life passed from me, my last thoughts were of you.
The greatest pain I felt was knowing how my violent end would hurt you.
Your heart was going to break and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I could not bear to look at your face when they told you.

Did you see me behind the man who came to our door?
Did you feel me by your side when they handed you the flag?
Yes, I'm still here, my darling. Forever, I am with you.
You and our children will never be alone.

Nor am I alone, here above.
For there are countless others with me, my brothers and sisters in arms.
I am surrounded now, not by the dark enemy who tormented us in life,
But by a loving army of angels in uniform.

We gave our lives in service to you
And to people we never met.
From heaven, ours souls are forever devoted to you.
We carry the eternal honor of guarding your safety, your freedom, your liberty.

In life we stood guard to protect you, to hold back all that might bring you harm.
We walked the walls of the cities, the streets of the villages, the jungles, the deserts, the battlefields.
Day and night we patrolled on foot, on horseback, on the land, in the air and on the sea.
Now, we stand guard in eternity, serving in the shadow of God.

I watched you decorate the tree this year.
As I always will, until we are together again for Christmas.

Copyright 2015 - Raymond Bechard

The One Thing You Must Say To Veterans

Today, and every day, our Veterans deserve to be proud, healthy and happy.

Here is one way to share your thanks with veterans: "You have made us so proud. I am in awe of you. I salute you with total admiration and my eternal gratitude. I am so fortunate to live in a nation that is served by a person like you. I want you to know that I will always remember your courage and sacrifice."

They are not just soldiers, they are our heroes. We owe our Veterans so much: our freedom, our liberty, our safety, and our future. Let us remember to pray for them and their families. They have given us more than we will ever know.

Please Honor them by Liking and Sharing our Facebook Page.

Here Are 16 Warning Signs You’re In An Abusive Friendship

Should we be surprised that a man who abuses women – emotionally, mentally or physically – would also exhibit the same destructive behavior toward the men they know?

Yes, men abuse other men as well as women. Abusive, often narcissistic men don’t limit their maladaptive behavior to one gender. Their desire to control others and cause damage to others knows no bounds. I am a heterosexual male and a survivor of abusive relationships. For years, I did not realize the negative consequences of the abuse I had suffered at the hands and minds of women with whom I had been involved with romantically. Admitting to myself that I had established a pattern of entering relationships with women who harmed me emotionally, mentally and physically was a difficult, and probably life-saving, revelation.

But, that was only the beginning.

In time, I discovered that being an abuse magnet did not end with women. Some of my male friends – including the person I considered my very best friend – were using me to further their own destructive agenda. As men, it’s not easy to admit that we’re being abused by anyone, female or male. But many of us are. No matter how harsh this truth is, we must face the fact that men will abuse men – especially within a Bromance. Once we wake up to this reality, it’s not hard to recognize.

Before the list, remember that you are worthy of healthy, uplifting, strong relationships with your male friends. True Bromances are great and you deserve respect and happiness from them. No matter what you think you are receiving from an abusive relationship, it’s not worth the cost. Get out now and establish No Contact with your abuser.

  1. They Take Charge of Your Life. Essentially, this is about having a one person entourage: you. He decides when you’ll be going to the gym together, when you’ll go get a beer, what videos games you’ll play. He may have more money than you. This often sets up the “Golden Rule” dynamic between men: He who has the gold makes the rules. Soon, he’ll be telling you what to do with your time even when you’re not hanging out.
  2. They have temper outbursts. It may be short, disguised as humor, or outright rage. If your friend suddenly starts swearing, punching things, kicking doors or exhibiting any sudden outbursts of severe anger or violence – not necessarily directed at you – he is revealing issues and behavior that will eventually be aimed at you as your friendship deepens.
  3. They use violent or demeaning language. If your friend uses terrible words and language when speaking about other people (women, LGBT, minorities, etc.) it points to more than just ignorance. It signifies hate – for others and himself. This kind of verbal abuse will eventually find its way to you. And hate of this kind is diabolical. It’s an acceptable, verbal cancer on relationships and your emotional well-being.
  4. They have a sexist attitude. Does your friend confide in you that women or gay men are in any way less worthy or valuable as “us guys?” Does he subtly give signs that he expects you to agree with this perspective? If he thinks he has privilege over others, he will take privilege over you in short order.
  5. They insult you. Is your friend beginning to put you down for your opinions or laugh at what you believe in? Does he degrade your education, work, political outlook, religion, or even the TV shows you watch? Remember, out of massive insecurity, he has to control every life aspect of people around him. He will think nothing of belittling you into seeing things his way.
  6. They establish dependency. Does he make you dependent on him financially, socially, professionally, recreationally, etc.? Your Bromance friend is trying to convince you that you can’t get along in the world without his help.
  7. They ridicule you. Does he make fun of you, especially in public? If he is using you as the butt of his jokes or revealing private or embarrassing things about you, it’s not in fun. That’s called bullying. And bullying isn’t just a problem for kids. It continues long into adulthood. Abusers were bullies as kids. That part of them never grew up.
  8. They distance you from certain relations. Does he devalue outside relationships that he did not initiate? Part of his control will be to surround you with ‘his’ people. He doesn’t want you to have the autonomy to make your own friendships or romantic ties. He will go to great lengths to make sure your own relationships suffer.
  9. They have an abusive background. Was your friend abuses or neglected as a child or did he witness his mother or siblings being hit as a child? If not dealt with, they may continue that curse through every major relationship for remainder of their life.
  10. They blame other people. Does your friend blame other people, other religions, other political ideologies, etc. for everything that is wrong in their life and the world? If they aren’t willing to take responsibility, the blame will once again be laid on you.
  11. Substance abuse: Does his behavior change – and get worse – when they drink or take other mind altering substances? Does this include becoming verbally or physically abusive? Obviously, this is a huge problem for them. But when it’s combined with the other signs listed here, it becomes a big problem for you. And if you’re being abused, it’s not your problem to deal with.
  12. They track you. Does your friend frequently and casually ask where you are, what you’re doing and where you’re going? They will tell you, “I’m just looking out for you, bud.” But they’re not. They’re looking for you, not out for you. This is born from insecurity and a lack of trust. They may even call or drop by unexpectedly to “see what’s up.” That’s what texting is for. It’s not part of a Bromance. It’s stalking.
  13. They are self-centered. Does everything revolve around your friend with no consideration for you, for anyone or for simple morals and ethics? They expect you to meet their needs with no responsibility or gratitude on their part. They put the responsibility for their happiness and moods squarely on you. And if they believe the rules don’t apply to them, then you’re probably dealing with a narcissist. Note: There is no safe way to have a relationship with a narcissist. Get out. Get far away. Stay away forever.
  14. They cheat. Does your friend cheat on his wife or girlfriend? Is he bragging about it? This demonstrates a lot of deep character flaws. If you’re sticking around, then you’re complicit in the terrible pain he’s causing. And he wants you to stick around to validate his behavior.
  15. They defame you. Does your friend use social networking to tear down others? Be aware, they will do the same thing to you when you finally end the relationship. They will contact your other friends, your business associates, your family, your pastor . . . anyone who knows you. They’ll send emails, texts, and messages on Facebook. Sometimes they’ll call and leave messages. Oddly, this is their way of trying to draw you back into the relationship. It’s like they’re reaching out of your friendship’s grave.
  16. They make threats. Does your friend make threats against others or you? This is an extraordinarily powerful danger sign. It doesn’t have to be physical threats. It can be threats to embarrass you, ruin you financially or professionally, or wreck your other relationships. This can happen during the Bromance, but is especially evident after you cut things off.
And one other thing . . . They may want more than friendship. Does your friend want to become physical with you? Keep in mind, he is coming from a place that is not clear to even him. His desires to control, manipulate, and express his idea of a “Bromance,” may include an unwanted physical relationship with you, however fleeting. If you’re a straight man and want to know how women feel when men are hitting on them, especially in the most coercive, subtle ways, then wait until a man hits on you when you’ve been clear that’s not what you want. It is the most indescribably awkward moment of your life. But, if this is part of your Bromance friend’s agenda, he’ll eventually make his move. There’s no way to be ready for it. Except to recognize you should have been long gone by then.

All relationships, including Bromances, have many variations. The warning signs I’ve described here apply to all genders and gender preferences. Few of us have considered the fact that we might be adult, male victims of an abusive relationship. It took me too long to recognize it happened to me. Don’t wait. There is no shame in this, just healing.

"I wonder what he did to prompt her to poison him?"

It doesn't always happen in elevators with cameras. "The most dangerous place for a woman in America is her own home." See the story of one of the bravest women I've ever know, Deanna Walters, from the documentary, "Private Violence," premiering on HBO, October 20, 2014.

Victim Blaming of Men is not only permissible, but laughable as well. American television's "CBS This Morning" just reported on Dr. Ana-Maria Gonzalez-Angulo, a well known breast cancer oncologist at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, who is accused of poisoning George Blumenschein, a doctor who researched and treated lung, head and neck cancers at the same hospital. The response of the female morning news anchors? "I wonder what he did to prompt her to poison him?" Then they laughed and joked about how he must have spurned her love. Can you imagine if a man had poisoned a woman and a male news anchor asked, "What did she do to prompt him to poison her?" Or beat her? Or kill her? This is not an isolated incident. I have personally experienced victim blaming. When people see the scar on my back, I explain that it is a wound from a set of keys being dragged across my skin by a female. With a smile, the first question they ask is, "what did you do?" They are asking what I did to deserve becoming a victim of violence. Why do we blame men for acts of assault and violence perpetrated against them, but rail against anyone who blames female victims?

An American Hero Continues Saving Lives

Last Thursday I filled in for Dr. Laurie Roth as host of her radio show. Here is my interview with a true American Hero, Anthony Donald Coggiola, who is leading a cutting-edge movement to develop, Veteran Owned Controlled Environment Agriculture based businesses. If you're tired of bad news, just listen to Anthony's vision and encouragement. The interview is at this link.